hate it
Friday, May 02, 2008
I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE the ways things work!it is damn frustrating that i gotta let it all out. and by which, i've got to spend considerable efforts to sign into this blogspot account because i've conveniently forgot my account and the password. sighs.choose between being hardworking or a genius? i wonder which is better? honestly, i feel that being hardworking is not my cup of tea or i'm suitable for it. last minute work suits me a lot better and i get more out of it. or seemingly so because i'm so sore about being hardworking. DAMN DAMN DAMN.i hate this me right now.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 12:08 am.
pathetic
Friday, February 22, 2008
whatever i'm doing now, i think it's damn pathetic. reading other's blog and realising that i haven't got a life of my own. otherwise what would i be doing at others' blog? helen, we miss you loads! it's sad that she ain't coming back. fiona gave wrong info about helen screwing up her results (which she didn't) thus not coming back. turned out xiao liang and chun wei gave more accurate info about her not coming back due to her dad's health (eyesight). she didn't come online or anything which is why we couldn't ask her directly. sighs. she could have told us but still.... she didn't. oh wells. can't be helped. i'm sure she has her own reasons.i so sooo sooooo soooooooo want to get a bf man! it's so annoying cuz..........i don't know why? hmmm.... that's not true. i know why. everyone's getting hooked up with some one or another and it's kinda lonely all by myself. dreams are getting weirder too. the content of my dreams are synchronizing with my emotions which makes it freakier.and................ it's really embarrassing but....... oh fuck it. nvm.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 4:17 pm.
this CNY
Saturday, February 09, 2008
this chinese new year has been...............quite out of the norm. i wanted to write about Mad Jack before but forget it. the dining experience was horrid save for their foccacia bread. anyway, this is one of the weirdest cny i've ever had. bro, sis and dad are in perth so it's kinda boring with my mum only. she's not exactly a bundle of fun so..........it is quite boring too. quite fickle so original plans can NEVER be counted on. so much for one movie per day during her off-days....sighs. xanne's grandfather died on cny day itself. best thing is that i didn't know anything about it. or even the shuttling between hospital visits and pre-CNY preparations etc. before that. i'm such a lousy friend. things just cropped up and i have neglected my friends. mostly my fault though. can't blame no one but myself for the distance i've placed between myself and them. i just didn't make the effort to stay in touch, and stay close to them or even make the effort to know about how they have been doing. lousy lousy lousy lousy friend. gawd. i'm so -sad? disappointed? angry? letdown?- at myself.xanne, hubbs, jie, tor, xy, mel, and mon........... ttkj, clem, wy, r, alas, ken, ys............... gomenasai! oh. and nszm went M-I-A. like in the full sense of the meaning of MIA. oh wells. can't be bothered to find out wad exactly happened but i did try for er......... one night.i wanna go on movie marathon, shopping and eating! sighs. think i'll go accompany xanne at her grandfather's wake tml. at least i can do something to make it up to her for being such a lousy friend. hmmm... that's one good point to it. i don't have to wear red! funerals means black and white colours right? it beats worrying about not wearing red during cny.movies i want to watch:-27 dresses-Ah Long Pte Ltd-Cj7-Death Note (not out yet. 21st feb. dang! not here... someone buy dvd and send it to me please!)-Leap Years (not out yet. 29th feb! someone buy the dvd and send it to me please!)-the 2 afghan boys movie- forgot the name-Sweeney Todd (hear it's good but gruesome. will watch it after watching all those)things i want to buy:-the 2 bags i liked at cine-wedges-printed havainas slippers!-forever 21 shirt dress-can't rmb the rest....things i want to do:-take neos!-go shopping-eat-watch moviesthings i want to eat........................................................................-not sure for now but i just don't really want to eat alone. kills the joy of eating...Labels: this CNY
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:46 pm.
lonesome
Friday, February 01, 2008
dang. i knew i was tired but NOT this tired. fell asleep soon after i reached home. DANG DANG DANG. the gao li mao shan wang sucks. it doesn't reach the standards. its supposedly to be made out of egg whites to be soft and fluffy but it tasted like bread. thick and the interior liquid durian didn't taste fantastic either. though the durian mochi tasted way better, the first time i tried it was better too. one thing can never change is the taste of the flowing custard bun. it always tastes so good. YUM. the xiao long bao too. though the top is still too hard, the soup is still yummy. =) frog leg porridge was average but whoever puts lettuce into porridge?...... it had the lettuce taste and dried fish that overwhelmed the tasteless frog leg. but two thumbs up for the cook who put sesame oil in the porridge before serving. the sesame oil did wonders for the porridge. next time i want to try the rose tea. =) another bad part? wayyyyyy too expensive. it cost $52.70 for just these dishes+appetizer+tea+gst+tax. good thing? the appetizer is yummy. sesame honey coated pecan. my fav hongkong snack.anywayyyyyyy, valentine's day is approaching. and dang. another lonely day ahead. maybe it's destiny. funny how past years when i had boyfriends, i'll always be boyfriend-less during the cupid day. this year is different. i thought maybe zh, xanne and i could celebrate it together like the time in sec 4. we celebrated that day together 3 years ago. zh has plans with her bf and xanne isn't so sure with her internship and maybe plans with other friends. maybe just having a few close friends isn't that great an idea afterall. plenty of friends and good friends would mean company. sighs. i miss mon. wished she was back from indo.i've been thinking about this all morning. was he trying to flirt with me? it's so weird to think about it. nothing will come out of thinking too much except stress so yeah. i'm going to stop thinking so much.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 5:46 pm.
a long day
Thursday, January 31, 2008
it has been such a long day. even after i got home, i had to deal with the damned virus etc problem with the hp lappy. though mumsy got the anti-virus program from jacob, the problem still exists. it's as though the virus, spyware, adware and malware are neverending. the program only mananged to get rid of SOME but not ALL of these troublesome problems.ate at Figs & Olives this afternoon. wanted to go to Kim Gary Hongkong Restaurant at first but it was full and there was a queue! the irony was that it was Figs & Olives that was full the other time when i wanted to eat there. anyway, ate the dory fish with creamy mushroom sauce, tomato pasta with side salad. it's like small portions of the said items, all put onto one plate. drank the almond milk and it tasted like the one sold at the coffeeshop above my grandparents' carpark. took a picture of it but lazy to post. =\ all were good except the salad. admittedly they put olive oil around it or at least the olive oil was at the BOTTOM of the salad, the salad was tasteless and tasted just like grass. the dory fish was DAMN GOOD. yummy! it's totally fresh and had those herbs. so was the creamy mushroom sauce. it had those chunks of mushroom that i totally lurveeee. it' so yummy i can just eat it alone. bad thing; the creamy mushroom sauce overpowers the flavour of the fish. and way too much black pepper but good thing was the it's yummy that i don't suppose anyone who mind except a fisherman. put it on top of any meat and it'd roughly taste the same.pasta was good. they used olive oil so the pasta had a nice flavourful olive oil taste to it. there's something else too. something i can't put my finger onto but still, it spells YUM. it ain't like those you get now in sg- all soupy and not nice at all. at the chef had the sense to keep it to a SAUCE not a SOUP. two thumbs up! it's more authentic that way EVEN though this is more meditarranean pasta then italian pasta. stillllllllllll, it's better and more authentic than some that CLAIM to serve italian pasta.rating will be 7/10. service WAS good once i forgave the beginning when there wasn't anyone around and i stood around looking like an idiot wanting to come in. after that, it was OOH-LA-LA. this waiter was so good he gave me ice water without me asking and even before i asked. he also topped up my water frequently making sure that i had enough water though i had the almond milk. service: 8.5/10. 1.5 deducted for the beginning when no one was around.for the record, i managed to eat some of what i wanted to eat. it's AZABO SABU Hokkaido Ice-cream. they have it in Plaza Singapura too! hmmm... now i suddenly recall they have many branches. still, i had it yesterday. sea salt and caramel costs more 'cause it's a new flavour and this is like DOTS. wad's the diff lah! anyway, josh was right when he said it tasted like butter ice-cream. LIKE DUHHHH.... caramel is BUTTER AND SUGAR BRO! had that and milk tea. dang.... made me super full after that. why can't they have junior sized scoops too?! walked around PS before collecting the MISSHA 100dollars hamper from GV.after collecting the hamper and walking around... decided to walk back to basement 2. wanted to try the french soups but there wasn't any seats for that store so i gave up. went to the bratwurst shop for mushroom and cheese bratwurst with its bun. sauce was meagre, cheese unmelted and it was like... overpriced. didn't like the crusty bun, didn't fit in with the taste but i guess... everyone likes different textures. its only saving grace was that..... it had seats and the bratwurst was good. but overall was not good........bengawan solo's durian egg roll wrap was awesome. bought 2 of those and yeah... quite broke now. no pocket money and i'm eating into my angpao money. =(( more than used up uncle bert's early angpao. and YEAY! going for lunch with my grandparents tml. hopefull i can convince them to eat at He She Hui.... durian mochi, gao li mao shan wang and my CUSTARD BUNS!!! woops. looks like i'm hanging out in vivo everyday. ;p can't help it. it's like ON-the-WAY. =) the custard buns are AMAZING. it's got salted egg in the custard and the custard ain't the gooey lump you'll find but this gold liquid that looks like butter. unique and absolutely delicious. took a few bites to get used to the flavour at first but after a while, you'd be hooked. bait, line, sinker. =Danyway, i was reading Three Weeks in Paris by Barbara Taylor and there was this saying, "men can stand tough women but they can't stand hard women." i think it's true. men can appreciate and even admire women who are tough. but hard women? bitter, harsh and emotionless, i doubt so. i wonder which of them i belong to. and i think i've lost my ability to talk and communicate real well with ppl. HELP!i seem to think a lot when i'm alone. good thing is i get a lot of ideas. bad thing- i don't put ideas into actions and a lot of the negative past just comes back to me. so wish me luck tml!
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 6:13 pm.
amazing laziness
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
it's amazing how ppl whom i know that are WAYYYYYYYYY lazier than i am, can keep up a blog while i can't! either 1) i can't be bothered and they can or, 2) they are not as lazy as they seem to be and i am lazier than i thought, or 3) they have too much time? hmppfffff. no idea which. too lazy to think which is which. i guess i'll be blogging more often since i have nothing better to do...broddo and sisto went to perth on sunday with pops. sighs. it's like taking my best friends away from me. they are my best friends for the time i've been back to sg. they were the ones accompanying me the entire time. going out, playing together, talking rubbish, eating, etc. going to perth meant distancing myself from many ppl especially my friends. haven't really talked to any of them. even my relatives. not as close anymore. still, no matter what happens, family ties can never be changed. as mums always says, friends can come and go but family never changes. no matter how my friendship between my friends and i change, my ties with my family can never change, not even with time or distance. i can personally attest to that. it sucks to know that too. walking home alone, going out alone, shopping alone, eating alone and all that just loses all its colour. life is more colourful with ppl in it.getting all emo. no one at home except jen and i. it's raining heavily too. kinda reflects on my mood now. i guess i need a companion. now i know why i had bfs that i didn't like. companionship. even if it meant making use of their feelings, i was lonely. i needed someone to feel up the void in me. those whom i had feelings for couldn't do that.haha... i am jealous. like darn jealous. of the close ties my bro has with his friends. of the close ties my bro and sis have with the rest of the family. kenwei cried so badly after knowing ally was leaving. even after she left, he was still crying so badly. all broddo's friends came and some even came over to stay with him for the last night before sending him to the airport with the others. most of the maternal and paternal side of the family all came to send them off. how can i not be jealous? my grandparents never sended me off even though i went to perth.i'm not being ungrateful to those who did send me- (xanne, zh, nszm and cz). or those whom i said don't need to send me. arghhhhh. this insane feeling in me. and the jealousy that i got when my cuz beat me in L1R5. admittedly it was 1 point only BUT i was the one who did best in the family. it sucked to have someone beating me. and someone whom i didn't really expect. it was the only time when i felt bad about my grades and regretted not studying for O levels as hard as i could have. why did i watch Da Chang Jin during my O levels period? why didn't i use that time to study harder? best part was I watched the show till 7 am on Sunday morning and went to bed, waking up in the afternoon to go to my grandma's for dinner then going to slp before my paper on monday. dang dang dang....i think too much when i am alone. spend a lot more when i am alone too.feel like buying................ 1) bags (cine; 2 bags)2) wallets (2; one each for aus and sg. no idea where to buy yet.)3) sport shoes?4) skincare products5) havainas slippers (heeren. vivo don't have the size.... :( )6) ds lite skin or NICE cases7) stationaryfeel like going.........1) marina square2) novena3) another new shopping mall in novena4) bugis5) suntec6) marina bayfeel like doing..........1) collecting the damn disc from sim lim square2) going to MOM to get the damn overtime pay and money back3) going to the museum4) going to watch 27 dresses5) going to plaza singapura to collect the MISSHA hamperfeel like eating at..........1) authentic french cafe (vivo)2) he she hui (vivo)- durian mochi, mao shan wang and custard buns3) hong kong kim gary restaurant (vivo)- peanut butter toast, milk tea and mango luxe4) carousel (royal plaza on the scotts)5) mos burger (milk tea)6) waraku (clarke quay)- hamburger steak and matcha zen7) some ice-cream parlour (clarke quay)- sea salt caramel and milk tea ice-cream8) da paolo ( bukit timah)9) margerita (faber hill)places i don't like.....1) sakae sushi2) west town council3) fu lu shou complex4) chinatownplaces i LUUUUUUUURVE LOVE LOVE!!!!1) keppel2) vivo3) clarke quay4) orchardnow this post is getting too long. will be back. :)
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 3:54 pm.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
anyways, the title of the last post is "the point of no return". didn't realise that the title can't be shown on the current blog. should change a blogskin already. recently i'm updating more 'cause....i don't know why as well. i have plenty of things that i should and have to do. i also have things that i can do but i guess i just don't want to do them now. postponing everything...blogging is the best outlet to pass time. oh how i remember the old times. and guess what? DAMN! I LOST ALL MY NEOS! can't find the bloody Precious Moments box which contained all my neos. lost memories and the box was given to me by mon.... i miss mon....irony about knowing a lot of people ( i wouldn't say having a lot of friends) is that you don't have a lot that you are close to. even so, you wouldn't have many to do stuff, go out or even talk to. if you know less people, you have more closer friends to go out, etc. i guess the time spent on each person is more that you get to know the person better. sighs. thank god for aaron. he's about the only other person i ever talk to now. lucky that i have him as my friend. :))josh is being a pain in the neck as usual. he gets onto my nerves and it irks me. what should i do today? should i go call Hang Ten again, go do the lasik evaluation, go shopping or look for a job? my piggy phase is over and i'm ready to hit the roads! hope it doesn't rain.aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. rainy weather ain't good for hitting the roads. makes me wet and cranky.meisy's persuading me to watch Green Forest, My Home. so is Mumsy. they love the show but they aren't watching 'cause i bought the show and well...i downright refused to watch the show anymore. dreamt too much after watching the show. it drove me nuts. speaking of which, allyson (my younger sister) can make yummy bread. as in REALLY DELICIOUS bread. couldn't believe it at first. it's way yummier than most bakeries outside. her bread "got standard leh". =))i guess being mummy's daughters make us good with baking. mummy's good at cakes, muffins and loaves. i'm good at pineapple tarts and cookies. ally's good at making yummy bread. josh likes cooking. daddy....well...let's just say, he likes math. so if we ever set up a cafe or deli plus cafe, we will run the different sections and daddy shall be the cashier. heh. thinking too much.i have many dreams and aspirations. just that i'm too lazy to put in the effort to make it work. but i'll definitely be a patissier one day. i'll learn how to. it's my passion. i love food. anyways, that will be the path i would take after i retire from the law scene. still thinking too much, thinking too far ahead.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:52 pm.
the point of no return
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
does the title sounds familiar? it's the title of the song from the Phantom of the Opera. watching Green Forest, My Home. the plot is unpredictable but the pattern arises. the main female lead would rotate around the 2 male leads whilst the bitchy backstabber and the male version-bastardy-would cause trouble for them. ultimately, no matter who likes who more, who sacrifices more, the female lead would go back to the one she like(d). even if the guy didn't deserve her as much as the other.mummy and meisy dig this kinda show as much as i do. or perhaps i do like it more. singapore drama serials are getting kinda mundane. without watching any trailer, reading any reviews or watching the actual show, i can predict the plot of the drama. though every twist and turn in ANY drama can be foreseeable with a bit of imagination or creativity, only few dramas can't actually let me predict the next act at the next step with unfailing accuracy. the first was Goong which i totally swooned over. i never watched the 2nd time out of fear for my emotions and my heart. heart attacks could occur and emotion roller-coasters would arise. even the theme songs got me crying like shit even to this day. maybe less pathetic this time. anyhow, this is the second that i felt the same way.first Yuu, and now Owen. GOOD GOD. i LOVE OWEN. dang. if he was real, character and all, i would love him to death.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:30 am.
Monday, August 06, 2007
oh ya. anyone know how to do the archives thingy? this new blogskin has no archive. i want an archive or it's so long. craps.imightbegettingtheanswertonight. pray.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:09 am.
okay. i need to clarify something first. (the part about aaron and the creep in my previous post didn't really make any sense)i knew the aaron and aloysious (the creep) at the same time. couldn't really tell who was who. so when aaron and i first started talking, i thought he was aloysious the cute guy turned creep. but lucky it was aaron not aloysious that i talked to that time. cause AARON IS MY GUY BESTIE NOW! haha... i'm so lucky. he's the bestest guy best friend a girl can ever have. though he's the lousiest chaperone in the world. so much for chaperoning... -_-'''roxanne hasn't replied my email yet. SADDD... really confused now. i need some help. have got loads to do before classes start tomorrow but i too lazy to do anything or get out of the room. that's what perth does to me. LAZY. yawns. weather's still cold. nice to sleep. sighs. when will 29 Nov come? can i not study? will he be there when i go back? will we be more than friends?we can't stay as friends anymore. it's way past that stage. but if we aren't a couple, then what are we? i daren't ask. what will i do if the answer isn't what i want? face reality anns. i'm an escapist. trying hard to face reality but the probability is 50-50. there's always that 50-50 chance in life. 50 for yes and 50 for no. die. so how?life is exceptionally interesting (though for me now, it's in the confusing way). life weaves a plot around a storyline(my life) so intricately that it will round up in an extremely delicate way. life is a better story-maker than the likes of J.K Rowling! and J.K Rowling is one of the best authors ever!i didn't like him. i wasn't even remotely interested in him. but how did i even end up liking him? falling for him? daddy was right. arghhh... sorry if my blog post doesn't make sense. i think i don't make sense too. my mind is confusingly blank. what will happen if i go for classes tml?!!! help!!! clear my mind before i start school! emotions befuddles the mind. gimme clarity! let me focus on my studies. IT'S ALL HIS FAULT!
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:56 am.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
i'm so FREAKING WEIRD. first i stay positively COOPED up, then i got so inspired by this kid's book that i decided to go out with the Vee and the Mmm. at last. the Vee was getting mad at me for keep saying no. as for Mmm, i think he got used to it. LOL. understatement of the year. watched a late movie with xanne after meeting Vee. it was okaay... i guess. but the movie was AWESOME! Secret by Jay Zhou and Guei Mei Lun. a bit creepy and freaking towards the end but it turned out okay.aaron and I became best friends through an once in a lifetime opportunity chat. it turned out to lead to other chats till we became good friends. and when i thought he was the OTHER GUY. damn. lucky for me, my bestie is aaron and not the other guy. he turns out to be a CREEP. for all the goddamned abs, cute face and smart brains (dentistry at NUS for what's not), he turns out to be....
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:23 am.
stubborn
Monday, April 30, 2007
ehto... it's been ages since i last blogged that i can't even rmb my own account username, password or even how it looks like anymore. all i know is that i've been thinking a lot. funny how shows can really get into you and make u start thinking. it's all these nitty gritty stuff that make u go all weird.i've been thinking a lot abt her, them and my stubborness. is it my stubborn streak that refuses to let go all those knots in me? or is it that i'm too slow in realizing what i truly seek? so much so, i've lost many things i treasure in my life. i always wondered why people can make up so fast and how do they go on with one another? are situations all awkward and how do they go back to be the same as before?deep inside, i realize now. i've always treated them as my good friends. best friends. tomodachi desu. no matter how it looks on the outside, inside, i still want to know about them, know if they alright or not. it's just my pride, ego and stubborness that refuses to let go. it's so crappy.and btw, crap comes from the meaning poo, shit etc. learned that from foundation unit. my law units are on the downhill. makes me think more again. why do i not know how to go for things i truly seek but let my pride and ego do things i don't enjoy? the arts blood is and will always flow in me no matter what. roxanne learned to go after the things she really like. she has given up and gone after the life she wanted. all of them did. all except me. is it really because i'm just too old-fashioned? i don't know.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:40 pm.
dysfunctional
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
i am sure i'm seriously weird. i hope he doesn't have my bloglink at all or i'm so screwed man. BIG TIME. anyway, i have been having really weird dreams for the past 2 nights. all about the sensational feeling of love. the morning following my first dream left me feeling so loved like never before. and that's after i got attached to him. i'm not really sure why i said yes but it was a spontaneous decision. like yeah, okaayyyyyy kinda thing, if you get what i mean.life has a seriously strange system. just as i was walking home on sunday, i was like telling myself to not hestitate about the next relationship and really get into it, not having my weird ideas ruin it this time. so when he asked that night, i remembered my promise to myself whilst a traitorous part of me wanted to be loved again. and i said yes. by the second day, i was having second thoughts. ALREADY. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME MAN? when he talked about long term plans, this idiotic part of my brain was sniggering like, wad, you think we'll last that long? arghh... i think i have Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde in me. Seriously. just like the duo-personality woman in Heroes.mainly my insecurities about myself is the cause of all this shit while other factors played a part.he's indian muslim. i can't even remember how old he is. he's in the army with another year to go. he dropped out of poly cause he didn't wanna continue with his course so that explains the army part. but he plans to go back to poly to do what he wants after serving the army. we're long-distance. i don't really know him and vice versa. he's kinda tall and freaking thin while i have insecurities about my weight. lol. i don't know why skinny is never the problem while fat always is.not that i never had a freaking skinny ex before, i did but still... it just makes me feel damn insecure okay. not about or with him but with myself. when insecurity was a thing of the past, i think this insecurity has reached the level of paranoia. ever since k i think... when he got into a fight because one of his classmates insulted me. i felt damn bad about it and sad, terrible, horrible and disgusted at myself. so it has been like that all the way.argh...... i hate it. anyway, today's the Mentor's BBQ at the Law Courtyard. total waste of time man... fiona, abby and clarence went. so did I but abby and I left early. the food was like so-so but at least they were free. lol. cheapskate but yeah la.. nothing was done there. I HATE MYSELF.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:43 pm.
food for thought
Sunday, February 25, 2007
it's been ages since i last blogged and i've even forgot my own blog link. solution? go to a friend's blog to find the link to my own blog. smart ehh?back in perth again and i don't even know why i'm here when i'm supposed to do my reading log. anyway, if anyone's reading this, please pray real hard for me that i'd be allowed to keep all my units and that i'd be exempted from finance law. i don't think i really want to go for law camp anymore and i just want to go to jess' house to celebrate "xuan siao". better than get ostracized by a bunch of angmohs considering none of my friends from law are going......went out with jess, iris (duoduo), her guy friend from bj, jemini and rebecca. guess the biggest reason why i'm here at such ungodly is because of what rebecca told me today. she and a particular loser broke up over a whole deal of issues that is FOOD FOR THOUGHT (and hence the title).what is wrong being fat? yes.. no doubt that being fat means that we must lose weight but it does not mean we like being constantly reminded of that sore point. sure, i hear ppl say. "you must get used to the harsh side of life and maybe that can help you delude yourself etc." but why can't ppl just accept ppl for who they are?lead to much discussion later on with jess but for now, i can't be bothered to type it all here. maybe this is why i can't keep up with a blog. shucks. i need to lose weight fast. and for all the skinny people out there, please don't be deluded enough to think you need to lose weight too. eg. iris' friend. he's skinny, lighter than iris; the model, and so what this shows? i don't know lah. anyway, he's siao enough to jump so many grades and be working with an engineering degree so fast so nothing else is beyond him right?
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:03 am.
emocrazed
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
i solemnly promise to cherish the next guy that enters my life. but the condition is that he must be some one i truly like. saw many things that sent me into this emo-crazed mood. fuck it. i can't stand it.alas is newly back attached with his ex (they broke up sometime ago), nicki has a gf, kiat has a gf, ollie too. everyone's attached and the funny thing is... i'm not pressured by them but what i've truly missed and lost through my own fault.when i saw nicki's friendster, i realized how it was my fault. we could have lasted but we didn't. and he was one that i truly cared for a lot then. maybe i still do, a little bit but not the way like before. i was jealous when i saw the girl but then, i was jealous of what we could have just like what they have now. they're happy together and it's so sweet that it was a bit nauseating.i'm a sour puss i know. alas being back with charis can be understood. yeah. i liked him before and he knows that. but him and charis go way back even before i appeared and they're kinda made for one another.argghhh.. andy's gonna be another problem. i don't like him the way i'm supposed to. one of my reservations is due to my insecurities. many of the relationships have fallen apart because of my insecurities, pride and ego. what the hell is wrong with me i don't know.yet in me... i kinda think that andy will somehow forget and move on to another girl once i disappear. i want to care and love a guy but i don't when i have a guy. can't stand nor sit myself.andy's nice and all that but he's just not my kinda guy.the few guys i've ever truly liked a lot before- kenneth(a bit), nicki, samson (he turned out to be a bastard) and isaac (another ass). sighs.. was in relationships with 3 out of 4 but all didn't work out. no thanks to me for all the reasons why they all failed. the rest of other relationships were either just good friends kinda thing or just to pacify. so i realized. i've missed out on many opportunities and i'm about to let another slip. just what is wrong with me? and i think i'm kinda crazy lately. why am i obsessing with all this shit? i just wanna experience true bliss after all this while. i think liking and giving someone for so long one-sidedly has drained all my emotions that i need someone to start letting me take. probably that's why.but he will never work out. i know that for sure. SCREW ALL THIS SHIT!Labels: attitude
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:41 am.
I'M SO FULL!
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
today, we had a japanese themed dinner. i'm kinda cheesed with the cat because he was the one that kept bugging about eating japanese food and when the FEAST was prepared, he ate the least or didn't eat much i think. lol. who was the one that said that only 6 rolls huh? not enough.. what rubbish. oh ah! forgot to take pictures of it to show! hmpf! never mind. but seriously, i ate way too much that my shirt's bursting! SOS!so anyway, i think we prepared food for an army cause we even have leftover ingredients! avocado crabmeat mayo sushi roll, mixed vegetable tempura and teriyaki chicken japanese pizza. why japanese pizza? well.. cause i had to get rid of my shortcrust pastry. thank goodness i didn't use that to make the egg tarts yesterday. it'd be disastrous!i don't even want to think about eating tml. i think i need to fast for the entire year without consuming air even. gosh! god save the queen! and yes, i drew something really cool this morning and i want to show ppl! lol. too bad i ain't got any scanner or something. but oh wells. it's alright. hmmm... do u think i can puke?i think so.... i'm so full... but puking's gross... how? >.<
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 8:24 pm.
exams are near!
Saturday, October 14, 2006
okay.. so exams are near. i've been back to singapore for the past 2 weeks and i totally loved it. i've got a new playground and i can't wait to get right back to singapore. BUT BUT BUT.. here's the thing. i've got exams next week. not many days to go. just hmm.. 2 more days before my exams and i'm totally unprepared for it. planned to mug realll hard when i was back but i figured i had "enough" time. didn't study on thurs, or fri and not much done today. ARGH! just what is wrong with me?!i really wanna get into my choice of course; law/commerce double degree and yet, i'm not studying. strange. shucks. it's really hard to concentrate. lol... btw, Kristov Vodka Cruiser Raspberry tastes like medicine. shit. 3 more bottles to go and 1 unfinished. the citrus one tastes like lemonade so it's not that bad. Jacob's Creek Orlando Wines- White Wine tastes like what it really is. a bottle of cheap wine. arghhh... it leaves an extremely sour aftertaste and yeah... nvm. i've finished the bottle anyway. it's chardonny pinot noir. see... how to get through the week like that?!and yes.. i think i don't check my blog as frequent as others check mine. SHAME ON ME, yes i know. it's been ages since i last checked my blog. interesting news is that the bitch's mother actually claimed my dad spoke to her about a month ago about me going back to sg, and when she visited the homestay, she actually asked to say hello to me. WHAT BULLOCKS. if she knew i was going back, why would she ask to say hello to me when i'd obviously not be there? also, dad mentioned that he saw her way before the july hols and the decision to let me go back to sg was very last-minute. it couldn't have been made like 1 month ago as she claimed. oh wells. can't be helped.i've stopped wearing the chain that contained him in it. noo.. it sounds wrong. or rather, i've taken out him from the chain and worn it several times after that, without him in it. sentence structure still sounds funny but nvm. took it out soon after SFAS(Search For A Star) and before i left for sg. yupps. it's kinda weird but i've stopped thinking about him whilst i was back in sg until one day at brunch....still thinking now... die. and i realised something. how come she keeps eating and buying stuffs that i always buy? lol. maybe i should start buying other things. see whether she follows. or hmmm.. is it because i buy and eat, then others also do the same and she follows suit or what? oh wells.. copycat.right. don't mind me ppl. wot pms or just pure bitchiness.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:48 pm.
my tendencies
Sunday, September 24, 2006
oh how right was it when i chose facades of emotions as my blog's name. it is really so. even my msn nick says that a mist clouds and shades over my emotions 'cause i realized it's no point being so direct and say it all out. people just keep coming up and ask nosy or curious questions. a nick like a mist clouds and shades over my emotions draws far less queries whilst the intellectuals find it amusing and stop at there. somehow my tendency to talk to people online seem to appear only when i'm back in sg. i'm quite reserved online here.SEARCH FOR A STAR was a HUGE success if you asked me. the performance was great and that's coming from me when i was very reluctant to go. however, i had to usher and whisk and away, lo and behold, i was there doing the door with jasper. it was difficult at all though i don't really want to think how it was inside with the others.got hit with realizations whilst watching the show and at that time, i was with kenneth cause that boy didn't want to seat alone and i told him if he waited for me, i'd go with him and that i'd accompany him all the way.it was really strange cause our bods were so close to one another that they were overlapping. not entirely but at least a bit. still, it was comfortable being with him and how come i can talk easily to people i'm very familar with but with others, it's like having a wedge in between my mouth that i can't talk and words don't seem to flow out. it's like a staggered flow of water. anyway, back to the point. please don't get mistaken. i don't know what i'm expecting and i'm expecting that no one reads my blog (seriously i am) but kenneth is just like a little boy albeit the fact that he's 2 years older than me. it'd be just like falling for a boy. almost paedophile-like. whilst i was thinking about it, kelly clarkson's song Walk Away came into my mind. something like how i don't want a boy but a man in a relationship. she speaks of should the guy stay or should (he) go, how i waited for you so long, stop pretending, and that i don't want a boy that run-and- hides; a game that a boy plays.what it felt like to me was that a boy treats relationships like a game and probably he's too immature with childish characteristics for relationships that she wants a man instead. a man to treat relationships seriously and matured enough to treat her right. it was exactly that very same thought that occurred to me that i decided that it's no point liking the other one either. he's still very much the boy he used to be. though he's probably slightly more matured than kenneth at times, he's still a boy that whines and pleads; a reminder of how my brother used to be when he was a young thing, trying to plead his way with me that my heart would just melt. seriously, i'm just too soft-hearted or is it just a woman's characteristic?mentioned the wrong person in full frontal with Jay then. i feel terrible especially for shelina. i'm really sorry for that, that i wished i could just die then and then. it wouldn't help much and i just felt horrid insides. partly from the fact that i would try not to like him anymore and the fact that i did something bad. arghhhh. stupid me. i think there's a gap between my brain and my mouth. my nervous system had a part chewed out methinks't.plenty of cute guys there and loads of cute children. the guy from school also went with his friend. though many guys from school went, the guy whom i don't know is the one i think is quite cute. however, there were many cute guys that i didn't know either. saw many people i don't get to see often- even less than that of my churchmates, and made some new friends.can't remember Kevin's friends but there's David from choir, the other ushers serving, Gerard, Uncle, Bernie, Stephanie, lawrence and terence. saw Melissa(she's still uber-cutee), Jason(he cut his hair; quite style now), and Hongjun with his gf(i think). shucks. i didn't have dinner cause Kevin was going home to eat and he was sending me home. had lotsa sweets for dinner though. you should see the amount of sweets we took back man. lawence and kevin had the most. bleagh. can puke already. i got a lot too but i poured some over the a less full bag of terence's cause i really had too much. and nowwww, I'm UBER HUNGRY!!!! i want to eat but eat what??oh yeah, i haven't got to studying either. die. tml gotta call daddy and mumsy back. oh wells. i'll survive. goodnight.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 4:21 am.
it's all about you
Thursday, September 21, 2006
you have a place in my heart. i will wear you on it; somewhere closest to my heart; just like how you are in my heart. till the day i have no more feelings for you, only then, would i remove you from this special place in my heart.i think this is getting way out of hand. i'm thinking of things i've never thought before. i'm way too crazy. i even thought for craving his name on my hand just now. like how he is carved into my mind, i want him carved into my skin; me. but i'm just too chicken. i daren't.it's all about him i'm thinking of. i get crabby when he's not talking to me. i hate him for that but the next instance, i feel like the happiest girl on earth when he's finally treating me good. i want the things i want. i want to be the princess hidden inside me.i want to stop feeling fat, ugly and dumb everytime i see prettier, skinnier and more sophisticated girls. i want so many things yet i can't achieve them. i want him to treat me like a princess; HIS princess- like there's no one ever there before. i can't help it but think-- would it come true?
somehow i just feeling like asking mummy or god like the little girl i was, staring innocently, maybe pouting a bit, mummy/god, would he love me? would he love me just the way you do?
if i could wish, before i wished for another million or so wishes, i would wish that you would love me like i do. love me so that i feel loved and enveloped in the blissfulness of being together with you. love me so that i feel like the happiest and luckiest girl on earth. love me so that you don't ever want to hurt me, never. just love me. it's all i ask of you.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:10 am.
nobody knows
Sunday, September 17, 2006
i don't think anyone who know that i'm back at my blogspot. it has been ages since i've blogged and yeah. i've kinda realized that the less one talks, the less people have against you. words are subject to interpretation and ppl interpret things differently. it can in turn create many readings. i've read something i shouldn't have bothered reading but i just want to say that i've not regretted this lack of friendship. somehow i've become happier and no matter what, i just want to remain happy.went out with jessica today. it was a very full day. ate too much i guess. we were supposed to go to FitnessFirst at Cannington together (and to see Waseem's cousin- Ali) but guess we kinda got lazy to do that. =p hey, but we've made a bet. if i don't go next week, i'll buy her the LARGE BASKIN ROBBINS ice-cream (tub). if she doesn't go, i'll get her a LARGE baskin robbins-sized tub of cockroaches which is no problem at all. there are so many crawling outside the porch after dark that i don't think aunty will mind if i got rid of that problem. *laughs*she tempted me with her char siew when we were at Chi. supposed to watch her eat there before she accompanied me to eat at (most probably) Taka. idiot!!!! arghh.. haha.. but in the end, i caved in and ate at Chi too. too lazy to go eat somewhere else again. somehow i think the Chi in Vic Park is nicer and the atmosphere there is better as well. yupps.. walked around and accompanied her to eat Baskin Robbins.bleaghs. i think i'm getting sick of ice-cream already. amazing ehh? i think so too. gosh. i really can't stand choc ice-cream. was thinking of someone so i got his usual but somehow it didn't mix with what i ordered. it's strange cause it's like an omen saying that our flavours will never mix and that we will never mix. i don't like his flavour and it's a typical boy's kinda flavour. maybe not for a gentleman but definitely a boy's. it's so weird and i just missed him so much the entire time!!! DIE!jessica keeps laughing at me because of that. got 2 necklaces with the thing to keep pictures inside. one's silver and the other's gold. don't really like gold but the gold one had heart, the place to put pic and a key. wahhh... so sweet! bought them at MYERS and it came with a quite nice charm necklace. lol. missed my bus because of that and jess was quite happy 'cause then i would be able to accompany her to the busport and take the bus there instead of St Georges' Terrace. so i took 177 and yupp, toured the entire Bentley which is longer than the typical 170,174 or 176.and here i come, coming home like a good girl, supposed to study with fefe but he abandoned me!!! >.<>
oh yeah. back to the real reason why i wanted to blog in the first place. i think i kinda like this guy but sometimes i'm not sure at all. it's like an on and off feeling that comes as fast and goes as fast as someone flicking the switch for the light. he's nice and good towards me at times but mean and cut-throating at other times too. he's the first person i think of when i'm in danger and the one i'm most comfortable with. yet sometimes i can feel indifference, aloofness and be cavalier towards him at times when he's mean and pissing me off. i get hurt by his comments even at times when he doesn't even know what he's saying. it's so weird that i'm so confused now. and yeah. that's how nutty i was when i was in the city. kept thinking about him that i ended up buying those necklaces before realizing i didn't have his pictures and even if i did, i don't have the print out hard copy of it. stuuuuuupid.
when i was walking to ryan's party last evening, it was so dark i could barely see the way i was walking to. drizzling, i was wet and cold, despite having showered before. so on heels and carrying the cake, off i went to vickery house. but before turning to Marquis Street, one bunch of Middle-Eastern(i think) guys dressed up like street punks started whistling and tried calling me. thank goodness later on i was on the phone and i pretended not to hear them. gosh, i was so scared. dark and alone is worse enough. the terror of Australia's streets is worse. then i started berating him in my head cause his image kept popping up when those guys passed me.
why aren't you here when i need you the most? why do i keep thinking you can protect me like my guardian angel? why are you the first person i think of when i'm in danger and you don't even know i'm in danger? why have you left me in such a situation in the first place?
so with that in my mind, i seriously felt like crying at that time. scared and lonely. it didn't help that they kept rushing me to reach and i was on heels, carrying the cake, walking in the rain alone feeling scared. btw, i have terrible night vision. walked towards St James before i realized and headed back towards Bentley. tho' Shelina, Dayong and Edwin came to find me, i reached there even before they were near me. they went to the wrong place to find me but still, i appreciated it. strange enough, when Shelina asked me if i was alright, scared a not, when we were at Vickery House, the water dams just simply released and the tears flowed a bit. i couldn't control it but the gates closed pretty quick. thank goodness. how embarrassing would it have become if others saw but the lights were all off. only those wearing white could be seen/identified and the guys had a pretty fun time trying to scare the girls by creeping up unsuspectedly behind them. the screaches were pretty sharp on the ears.
yeah.. the night was okay but i ended up coming home. though i was supposed to sleepover at may's house but i realized i was too tired and maybe too bored to wait till then. i wanted to watch the ones at may's house where Lionel and TK tied Ryan up but yeah.. too impatient to wait so i missed out on those. haha.. Lionel and TK are nice guys with super brainy brains but pretty sick minds. still, they are good company and they are fun to be with. very intellectually sick conversations but good food involved. like their jelly and ice-cream and they are also very generous with their food. wanna stayover at may's house soon! but must sleep properly the night before first.
friday night; slept for a couple of hours between preparing for English Tutorial then slept over at Shelina's house. slept around 2+ and woke up between intervals from 8+ till the final waking up at 11.57am. however, i was still too tired to last the entire day. reached home after getting Ryan's cake at Carousel at around 4+pm. supposed to take the bus to Canning but ended up sleeping till 7 when everyone's supposed to meet. after showering and all that, it was nearly 8. dots..
going to study now cause i wanna pass my math. haha.. positive overtones will give off good karma. ciao.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 6:28 pm.
nearly defunct
Friday, February 17, 2006
this blog is nearly defunct and so everyone thought. this is also my first time blogging ever since perth. i miss IJC! i miss 0611C which will soon break up. i miss touch rugby! i miss canoeing! i miss tennis! and now touch rugby has the guys team!!!!!!! so cool! maybe the girls and guys can train together. lol. haha.. don't think mr lee would ever let that happen. the girls in touch rug are really boy-crazy and hyper that maybe no training would ever be done. considering that there's a match in April, i think he'd train them even harder. lol. i even miss the trainings. the cradling of the "baby" aka the rugby ball. i seriously wouldn't mind cradling the baby and tossing it a million times if i can trade perth for it. shaowen joined the touch rugby guys teams! that means many girls would get distracted already. hmm... but he has a girlfriend!!!! AND i must make it clear first in case ppl like mon thinks otherwise.... dots. he's only a good friend. and it's not good to get mistaken cause his gf is natalie's(my good friend from camp) friend in rvh.ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!! there's this expedition for j2s tml! I'M SO JEALOUS! i would be the one out in the sea kayaking if i was still there. somehow i can't help but wish i never came to perth. there is too many things i can't bear to leave in singapore yet i left with so many regrets. i haven't played in the touch rugby match which i really wanted to play, i wanted to train with the j2s with vinleon(a j1 like me and he's a super nice guy!), take our 3 star course together and play tennis and suss the coach when he teaches us the wrong strokes. i want my sunshine girl xueyuan, i want my sunny girl roxanne, i want mel, i want mon, i want peiyu, josephine, shuzhen, siewhua, malati, grace, minloo, shahida, shafinaz, khairyn, lisda, valerie, xiaofen, hubbs, jie, yuxuan, afiq, khairul, khairee, engchuan, shawn, jazimin, vinleon, all the touch rugby girls, canoeing and tennis ppl! i don't even mind having history class with the super boring gay teacher and having the egoistic and self-consumed samuel in my history class flirting with all the girls' school girls and having him in the same cca as well. seriously, just if only i can trade it all to be back in IJC. that's all i want and wish for.somehow it feels like i'm living out my dreams in other people like eg. shaowen. we were in the same OG and now he's joined touch rugby in addition to the canoeing which he joined at first. i don't know why he joined touch rugby despite so many things but yea. i'm really glad he did. then i can keep asking what happened! somehow or other, it feels like i've never left ijc at all. it never crossed my mind to think that i'm no longer part of ijc. it sucks to think that way and now that everyone's O's are out, everyone is going to split up. mel, xy, jo, and some others aren't going to stay. shaowen is still staying despite his 15 points and the offer from acjc, so is peiyu, shuzhen, afiq too i think. the rest i don't know. lol. xanne and ah gong are going to poly. don't know if hubbs and jie are going to stay in tj but who cares? my heart remains with ijc. it's the best jc ever!even homestay has lost its appeal to me. at the beginning, homestay became the only source of attraction in perth. being my only source of accompaniment and entertainment, at least i didn't feel so dejected about perth. but now... things have ceased to be the same. twinny, felix and joshen are hooked onto computer games. i'm the pea in the mattresses. i don't want to and can't play computer games. i've seen the way computer games control my brother and nikki. i know the damage they can do and i don't want to fall victim to them when i swore i would never touch them everytime i see the people i love and once cared for being victimized. i vowed not to be controlled by some digital manipulator.henceforth, i feel detached from their digital and real world. that's another reason why i've returned to blogging. if one sees the trend as to when i blog, maybe one would understand how i feel now. i just hope that no one senses that i've returned to blogging that no one would see my entry. i've gotten sick of people questioning me for the umpteen times about things i do not want to explain or talk about. can't u just see the sign: BUGGER OFF? can't the hint and leave me alone.anyhow, i miss meisy a lot. josh(my bro) has his gf already which accounts for his behaviour just now. dots. oh wells. at least sisters are better. they wouldn't neglect you just because they have their other half. she writes and sends the cutest emails and letters. even her pictures are damn good.oh wells. if they are still going to be hooked with their dumb computer games, maybe i'd just go out with may afterall. twinny's so hooked to it that it's hard to get conversation out from her unless it is about computer games, "cooties" or some other guy. i might just end up having more fun with may. hopefully shelina can find out where the bowling, swimming or badminton is then we can all go and play. i'm crossing my fingers real badly otherwise there is seriously nothing better to do. hmmm... maybe it's time for me to start getting hooked to dvds but i don't feel like it just yet. going out would be the cure but no. i don't know how to go out myself and besides, i don't know how to go to places! perth's shopping is so dotty and yea... expensive. lol. please god, make my life less of a living misery. thank you lord. hallelujah. amen.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:54 pm.
ruling party: IJC 0611C
Saturday, January 28, 2006
I LOVE O611C! it's the best class ever! i don't care what others say, but it has the most fun and happening people around. =) today was super hectic but it is extremely fulfilling cause it's like every second is valued and made use of. we made use of the time to the maximum. going to school early in the morning certainly didn't help to un-zombify me whilst msg-ing all the way to school meant that i lost any chance of ill-gotten sleep. reached school super early and sat with afiq cause he came early to hand in GP hw. i've never really talked to him before and first impression lead me to think him as reserved and a bit anti so it came as quite a shock to really find him otherwise. hahaha.. the girls were right when they said he's super funny! the guys in class are very easy to talk to and have a great laugh! so there we were, talking till peiyu reached to school cause she had the order form. but for the record, i've been recording the stuffs. lol. long story.. but i had loads of fun!
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 1:21 am.
spiral
Monday, January 23, 2006
victoria's secrets fashion show ended sometime ago. was watching it till it ended and i noticed something stupid. the nature of men is well-known by women and men alike so it is quite impossible for men to get turned on at the sight of so many famous and non-famous supermodels; clad in nothing but lingerie. tantalising and possibly quite erotic lingerie. ricky martin was one of the guest stars who performed while the likes of usher was down in the audience with the cameras occasionally rolling in to grace his face.anyway, ricky martin was flanked with an entire group of dancing lingerie models; brushing their booty against his body. strangely enough, the camera lingered at his lower half of the body which lead me into thinking. what kind of emotions could he possibly be feeling now? he is now the envy of most men (i shan't stereotype) but surely he would FEEL something. however, that wasn't all. another model or co-singer sidled up to him and boy, weren't they close! they were grinding up against one another, humping one another occasionally, gazing at one another passionately before he tried kissing her discreetly and quickly. unfortunately, the camera caught it and the entire world saw it. it took him a few split seconds to recover after she left him to continue singing, but one could tell there was something going on.out of no where in particular, something lurched in my tummy. an increasing amount of bile threatened to confront the spaces of my mouth while i recognized that feeling. jealousy and loneliness. i was jealous that they had passion and love between them, no matter how open or discreet they were about their relationship. loneliness because it reminded me of how empty i feel nowasdays. i think things can not get any worse.i was taking the train home today (typical of any other day) when i crashed into the peak hour rush. it was a tight squeeze with people pushing me from the back and the methaphor; packed like sardines, could never describe that situation any better. my hands were laden with my dropping bag and book but they were forced to remain by my sides 'cause it was impossible to lift my hands without outraging the modesty of female and male transitors alike. these days, one can never be sure of the sexuality of anyone so i thought i had better be careful. it wasn't till then when i finally looked up. in the midst of the sea of people, there was this army guy looking. strangely, i blushed. still, it wasn't until the train cleared a bit that i noticed him properly. i got put off at his tattoos but that wasn't the thing. as the train passed other stops, in one way or the other, we ended up standing one another. our skin brushed against one another ever so frequently that it was...i don't know. noticeable? there was this weird feeling like how his warm skin touched the coldness of mine. he was nothing but a mere stranger. it was just too weird and awkward that i shifted. i just didn't know how to react!even so, i don't know how to react to josh now. in simple terms, i have a weird way of behaving to guys i like/have a crush/infatuation/weird feelings for. either i become damn mean or sarcastic and keep pushing them away. i act as if i don't like them at all. it's in my second nature to do that despite all inclinations to do otherwise. i can ensure that this is not a prejudiced treatment to guys despite being a feminist at times. hey! i'm perfectly nice and sweet to guys okay! correction. i'm just perfectly nice and sweet to guys whom i have no feelings except friendship. argh. I'M STRANGE. josh is going to get sick of me in no time. no man can tolerate so many sarcastic jibes and hormonal mood swings from me. the highest record thus far is marcus but still........... lol. i'm beyond cure. i make life hell for everybody including myself. it is the part and parcel of female hormonal mood swings which is also why i feel so terrible now.gosh. i can't believe time is passing so fast. i'm so going to miss everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tears are threatening me everytime i think about it nowasdays. especially when i hear sad songs. i can't bear to tell some of them in fear that people give me special treatment; knowing that i am leaving. i don't want that. i want people to treat me like how they would treat me so that i can feel true feelings at its best. i don't want people treating me nice just because i'm leaving. that would be hypocrisy at best. the fondest memories come from the truest emotions from the heart. heart to heart, the heart can feel it all and remember it best. that's how i want it.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:21 pm.
empty spaces
Sunday, January 22, 2006
attempted to blog yesterday but it, obviously, didn't work. it seems like so much to blog, yet so little space to blog. awfully dumb to drag on and on about the yester year's detail when it has become so passe already. just to give a overhead view of what's going on, my life goes like this.aunt being a nosey-parker, parents giving me a hard time about my room, having a blast with jo, peiyu, xy and engchuan (watching memoirs of a geisha), planning the next movie outing so that khairee and co can also go, hanging out with mon and friends, spending a tonne of money plus undecided on what i feel for josh.more or less it's like that.i brought 100+ bucks today and i've nearly spent it all. there goes my allowance for this week and the past week or so. now i wouldn't have enough to go out till i get my next allowance. so sad! $15.50 on the extras at popular, $33 buying an assorted number of items, $25 on 3 pairs of shorts, $2 on a pair of earrings, $3.50 on mel's worms and lastly, $20 on sakae sushi cause it's yu hsiu's bday today so we were treating her. all in a day. i'm so broke now.nothing interested happened in the morning unless u counted daddy's scoldings in the early morning till everyone was ready to go to Jack's Place for mumsie's birthday celebratory lunch. the food was horrible so forget it. josh( my bro) wanted to go to town with me but ended up in a foul mood and decided not to go afterall. still, i went to cityhall to wait for mon and ended up shopping. finally, we decided to meet at somerset and there i met mon, agnes kwan, yee chian and the birthday gurl. funny enough, i've only got to know agnes kwan and yu hsiu today. yee chian was on monday i think. scgs girls are so much fun! oh wells. i've had fun hanging out with them. worming around in centrepoint before heading to monster for pool. found my nice shorts on the way and bought them before going to sakae at heeren.it was funny and crappy. we took ages to eat! we sat at the end of the conveyor belts so we were faced with mostly the red plates(most expensive) choices. still, we ordered from the a la carte menu cause yu hsiu wanted to eat the hotpot and mon; the salmon skin. hahaha.. i can never forget the crap we went through, faking about some project and mother calling when all we wanted to discuss was yu hsiu's birthday cake! seriously, i was so devoted to my task that i put off the urge to go pee just to distract her okay!!!!! lol. that was so uncalled for.we split the bill amongst us three cause we didn't want her to pay. hahaha. according to agnes' tradition, we were supposed to thrash yu hsiu with eggs, flour, oil or vegs. still, we were so nice. we didn't do that but forced her to finish the NYDC cake only. she claimed to be super full but all the same, we weren't ill-treating by making her finish it. wad's weird is that i hardly know her for more than 24 hours and i feel pal-ly with them already. it feels like i've known them for quite some time not a few hours!finally, fun didn't stop there even after we split up to go home. mon decided to take the train with me and boy, didn't another interesting and embarrassing story arise because of that! haha. shan't continue. too tired. good night.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 11:29 pm.
Friday, January 20, 2006
我的名字是黄淑仪。今年我将成了圣公会中学的旧学生而成了星烁初级学院的新学生。虽然其初不太习惯星烁初级学院的环境，我还是跟常人一样，照样尝试试映新的环境。在圣公会中学，大多数的学生们都会选择去淡马锡初级学院，维多利亚初级学院，Meridian初级学院或圣安德烈初级学院去修读A LEVEL 的课程。就这样，我便是圣公会中学唯一到星烁初级学院的学生。Woodlands这个地区对我而言；是个很默生的地方。因此，在我第一天来到星烁初级学院时，我迟到了四十五分钟。lao shi, hen bao qian dan she wo de dian nao mei you shi yong hua wen de xi tong suo yi bu neng ju xu le.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 10:17 am.
innova
blogging for the first time in ages. and it's chinese class. the first time in the com lab but it's freaking cold at that. everyone's eating in the lab, courtesy of joann's biscuits and some of the raspberry chocs. hahaha. a group of us are going to watch Memoirs of a Geisha later. hopefully we can get out of the CNY lantern-making or persuade eng chuan to make less lanterns. i think he's about the only one that knows how to make a remotely decent and sell-able lantern. but come on, who on earth is going to buy those lanterns anyway? it ain't as if this was Lantern Festival instead. besides, who in the right mind would pay a dollar just to guess the number of mandarin oranges the school collected? lol. it's more dumb than gambling 'cause this time, the numbers are going to be extremely difficult to guess unless one bribes the person in charge of counting the number of oranges.Grace has the fever and Melissa's not going. think Jo, Xy, Peiyu, Liping and the others are going. not so sure of the numbers yet. hmmm.. yet another first time. it's gonna be the first time i'm going to watch a movie at Causeway Point. so far, i've only been to Causeway Point for 2 times in my entire life prior to entry to Innova. the first time being on Valentine's Day when cammie, jon and i were there to poke fun at ricky. the second time being the occasion when xanne and i went there with no thanks to the idiot who told us of a supposedly "skate" shop when it turned out to be only XCraft which has only branches all over Singapore. lol. i need to buy some more shirts. otherwise i'm practically living in those 3 shirts in which one has a hole in the sleeve already.it's only a week to CNY and a week plus a few days before aussie. time flies so fast and i haven't even packed yet. my room's a mess and mumsie's being a grouch. thanks to daddy, mumsie's broke. dots. a woman should retain her independence too. reliance on a man to pay your bills is never good. people change with time and situations often have the predictability of a tsunami attack. having some savings is never a bad thing and i wish that men would be more fair to their counterparts like daddy for instance. i wish that he'd treat mumsie better.partly for selfish reasons, but it's for mumsie and my good. mumsie would feel happier about her prediacarment and not feel so resentful about daddy's flaws. in a way, this would lessen the burden she unconsciously puts on my back when she has no one to pour out her woes. moreover, i'd have to feel the financial pressure and the need to conserve which serves no purpose considering the way daddy and mumsie spend their money. frivoulously and extravagantly are the words that pop up in my mind. it feels so.......wasteful.anyhow, josh( not my bro) is going to melacca. we've made up from our petty fight and it feels pretty good to be on speaking terms again. we talked for the entire night till 3+ in the early morning. hahaha. he couldn't wake up and was wondering how i woke up religiously at 5am. hey, i've got to go to school okay!!! he doesn't have to, lucky dude. however, he's going back to brisbane on the 27th of feb. SO SADDDDDDDD!!! i'm in perth and he in brisbane. the distance apart is the equivalent of the distance from singapore to perth. much as i'd hate to admit it, i'm gonna miss him. miss him in brisbane and friends in singapore. only twinny is going to be in perth. still, i hate to leave Innova cause of the people here. lectures, tutorials and homework are a bore and dreary for me to go through everyday. yet, the ccas and people more than make up for these. hmmmm.. how i wish i can skip all the lectures etc but just go for ccas. goodness.don't be surprised at my next entry. i've got to blog in chinese. shucks. i've got to do it now.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:54 am.
mentallic
Sunday, January 15, 2006
i haven't been blogging for ages. whilst there were thoughts of totally abandoning this blog, i find myself self-consciously longing to blog when i haven't got a station to vent out all my inner frustrastions. twinny, if u haven't got fed up with my stagnant blog, here's something; i miss you loads! also....ps to twinny: i haven't figured out a way to do something about the tagboard. something about the cookies is deterring my progress. :(meng was terribly sweet yesterday. but it was too much for me till i was on the brink of tears. mon thought it was because i was sad but i was not. i was just too touched. too bad it was just all too late. maybe it would have worked if he said it all earlier. for old times' sake, maybe it would have. but ultimately, what could it have resulted to become? nothing i think. afterall, we lead our own lives and that he would probably go back to his own after persuading me to stay. it's no point sacrificing for old time's sakes but not the present.the words i have told him were a tad too harsh but everything came right from the bottom of my heart. the times i've had in the past 2 weeks in ijc are much more persuasive than the times i've had in the last 4 years in ahs. especially my sec 1 and 2 years. in fact, the memories then weren't even worth remembering that more or less, i've forgotten them. however, being the sentimental ass, the best of times still hovers like a mist in the back of my mind. while he claims it was the best time of his life and the only memories worth keeping in his entire 4 years, it certainly didn't appear like it to me. if our friendship is that worthwhile, it would not have landed up to the state it is today. he wouldn't even have found out through the mouth of hubbs whose in his class in tj. btw, sammie is in cindy's class in tj. lol. funny how the world works. coincidences happen all the time. still, i'm more or less convinced that it is no coincidence that our friendship hadn't work out. we never made the effort to keep the friendship afloat and betrayed trust in the years at ed have taught me to be wary of him; one of my best friends. it hurt and stang but still, i've survived.people think i'm cynical but experience showed me it was never wise to be on gullible and naive side. hear and think. don't listen. listen to only what you think. the choice is your own and no one else's. somehow, living the mistake feels so much better if you have made a mistake rather than someone making the mistake for you. the person doesn't have to bear the responsibility of the failed action but you. i feel like that about ijc. though i have got to wake up at 5am every morning to reach school, i feel so much happier doing so rather than waking up at 7am every morning to go to a school which i loathe simply and partly because i did not choose it.meng said i've matured but i don't know what to think. the entire conversation got into me. zoom. from the bored but still okay girl staring blankly at the com, i went straight to being the reclusive in a mental hospital. binge-ing returned. it always does when i'm in the dumps. i really do hope i have training tml. touch rugby is utterly smashing! just hope that the additional food gain wouldn't affect anything about my performance or running. i haven't been running in approximately a million years. waiting for the jurisdiction of humilation to befall on me on tuesday. yicks. it hurts but i've always put up a brave front so who would ever know? god knows. teresa has got me thinking about the true ways of christianity. she gave me the true meaning of being a christian. as for the rest of the girls, i have had a lot of fun with them. teresa's like a big sis, jo's totally cute, amanda's serene, xueyuan is intellectual and sporty, min ru is quiet, joo ting is great to talk to and peiyu too! the rest like valerie, the 2 melissa-s, khairy, lisda etc are really fun to be with. the guys aren't bad too. khailun and khairee makes me laugh like shit the first time i talked to them and shaowen's a mr nice guy too. though the way i got to know shaowen was super funny (we didn't know each other though we were in the same OG and thought one another skipped the 4 days of orientation when we found out we were from Apsaroke!), he still makes a good friend. i've felt more at home there than anywhere else in anglican.it kinda made me feel good about being a lone ranger in ij. afterall, i'm the only one from ahs in ij. oh wells. going off. chem project to do. canoeing on wed. praying that it wouldn't be like xanne's experience in sa. i think i probably won't be able to survive it.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 6:52 pm.
twinny's leaving...
Sunday, January 01, 2006
i know it has been aeeons since i have last blogged but all of a sudden, i felt like blogging a millisecond ago. i know that i have found another so-called blog or rather, another diary in the form of a notebook. that, it is reserved for my eyes only. there; i can pen down my innermost thoughts and feelings without the person in question reading it or asking me about it. so now one can see why it's not questionable as to why i'm reluctant to blog. i have got a million and one questions that i want to ask, things i want to know but i can't voice it out. anyhow, it is all over. the New Year has come and the day marking this New Year is almost gone. i haven't really celebrated the New Year but there was a party today. it is coincidental that Caleb's post-birthday party should fall on the same day as the New Year. he is a 30 December baby.speaking of which, today marks the day before twinny leaves for australia. i'm really going to miss her. loads. since i have known her, i've come to rely on her for my mental happiness. it seems odd that my secondary friends aren't as close as i've become with her despite knowing her for such a short time. i confess, we haven't been as close as we had a month ago. it was not her fault but mine. i was feeling very anti-social then and i did not want to talk to anyone in particular. all i wanted to do was to clam up and i still do. except with a few people. oh well. i don't think i'd miss my secondary friends as much as i would miss her. maybe except xanne. lol. and to think i thought i'd miss my secondary friends a lot. i have had a new relevance. the only few people i have really missed a whole lot from school are xanne, mrs G, mr chan and...... i can't think of anyone else. otherwise, i'd also miss mon and yea. who else? i can't think of anymore names.incidentally, my mood is reflected in the song i'm listening to. i'm listening to No Secrets: I'll Remember You. it reflects what i feel now that twinny is leaving. also that in a month's time, it'd be my turn. i'd definitely remember my friends here. but that is not all. just today alone, i felt and realized more things than i've ever had in a few days. it is a lot to mention here but it shall be kept in my heart for always. i have no doubt that i'd love these people forever and i pray that they would too.. shucks. i feel like crying all over again.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:56 pm.
rotten
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
today was a rotten day. a truly rotten day. it almost makes me wish that today never happened. to start off with, another half a kilo was gained after i woke up. but that is besides the point. i quarelled with ally and spent the afternoon cooking. cooking for marcus. lol. i made cornflakes coated chicken today and honeyed cucumber slices today. it was nice but he kept insisting it sucked just to irritate me. aunty said it was nicer than jenny's but that's also besides the point.i was plain mean to him. to tell the truth, it was more than that. i was very mean. some part in me knew that but i just couldn't break out of the vicious cycle of being mean to him. no matter how i try, at the end of the day, it never works. i'm tired of feeling guilty after everytime i'm mean to him probably just like how tired he is of hearing my apologies everytime. to give him due credit, he was quite nice i suppose. he finished all the excess honey i accidentally poured out though it's probably going to give him diabetes. okay. maybe it wouldn't. the excess honey just became honey water but it was an extremely big cup.i feel bad. i apologised already but i still feel bad. very bad. i was sarcastic and i ignored him for quite a bit. but but but... but he started with the sarcastic jibes first! okay. on the scale of one to ten, his meaness score a 2 but mine score an... 8.5? lol. mine still surpasses his and it does not cover the fact that i felt a sudden longing to consult mumsie. mumsie and jenny confirmed among themselves that i'm a terrible friend. well. it is only true if applied to marcus. i'm not that short of patience with others but not well...just him. argh.i want to get that margarita's job but oh well. i need to pass that with daddy first. it's gonna be a tough ordeal so wish me luck though by the time i'm done, someone would have settled in the job already. moreover, there's nothing i can do to shorten the time or the journey to go to my new school for a month. and good heavens. jovan is shorter than me.nonetheless, i've made up with ally already. that's the only good thing that happened in the end.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 7:04 pm.
green envy
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
after the measly 3 hours of ill-gotten sleep i had on the plane, no one would have thought i would still be awake. even until now, i stand in awe in my prowess of not needing sleep. my mind runs on the track of unreasonable and wild. i don't know why i'm feeling so lousy and miserable now. envy? jealousy? everyone is losing weight or is so damned skinny that i wonder how they lose weight, maintain their weight or remain skinny. why i just can't achieve the same? i look at every pictures and i stare at the person in the picture, wondering who's the swelled up fat blimp. there is this slight resemblance to me but somehow, there's this corner of my mind that denies the connection. hell. 5kgs. it'd take ages plus a lot of discipline to get rid of. besides, i need to lose like what, 20kgs? a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips. sighs. i just want the super high metabolism that allows me to eat all i want without gaining weight.argh. I CAN'T SLEEP. this weight-gain issue is making me so nutty that my body is refusing sleep; wishing that what i saw was a hallucination on the part due to lack of sleep. denial. serious denial. hey, how do people eat and not gain? no matter what i do, every morsel of food adds a tonne onto the scales.lol. i'm jealous of every single thing now. pathetic. this is how laughable i have morphed into. it is my fault and no other's that i have become the person i am today. it is not others' faults that they can write better than me because they practise or read more than i do. yet, i'm wasting my time away, refusing to propel my skills to greater heights and i'm getting jealous over their writing cum langauge prowess. i'm getting lazier by the day, eating the whales out of the seas and yet i'm getting jealous because others are losing weight or they remain skinny. just what is wrong with me? am i getting so apathetic that i don't know how to turn back? i don't know. part of me just want to wallow in my self-misery while the other part wants to be the determined and disciplined. oh wells. i'll try the latter but i hope my body co-operates.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:05 am.
blimp
my high hopes went crashing down the drain after i got back. it was only just this morning when i got off the plane, bouncing with raw adrenaline; wanting to dash back home. the feeling of home never fails to barricade me the momemt the aeroplane touch down. the feelings range from finally-i'm-home or i-can't-wait! to get home. in case no one understands, the former is the negative and the latter is the positive. still, in any case, i'm always glad to be home. however, good things never last. my emotions went spiralling down faster like a rocket gone haywire than anything else. i got posted to some junior college i don't even know how to get to. moreover, the only inkling about Innova Junior College is that the nearest train station is in WOODLANDS!!! anyone can tell you that is damn far!!!!!!!! goodness. i don't know whether to happy or sad. is it a good thing to be posted to one of your end choices or is it better than letting the dumb government post you as and where they like? hmmm.. it is no better if you asked me.but the worst was yet to come. I'M A BLIMP. I FUCKING GAINED 5KGs IN LESS THAN A FORTNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is so fucking unbelievable. how did i do that?! on the hongkong trip, i gained 1.5kg. now, after the brisbane/gold coast trip, i've put on an additional 3.5kg!!!!!!!!!!! in total i gained a gross sum of 5kgs in less than a fortnight. yuck. i feel like a blimp. no wonder i'm going out of shape. no wonder my dress size is increasing. good heavens. THIS IS A BLOODY NIGHTMARE!!! i want to lose weight not gain weight. ARGH! does anyone know how bloody difficult it is to lose 5kgs? well, for the record, all i can say is that OPERATION STARVATION is not good enough. good griefs. and i cannot curb my satiation for food. what am i to do?it's no mean feat trying to accept that an additional kilo or two was gained during the hols. but 5 kilos in less than a fortnight? try it on anyone else and i'd bet they'd choke on the info when they try to swallow it. so there. as i am typing here, i can feel the band of my oh-so-loose shorts tightening its vice on my scarily humungous band of fats on my already-big-enough hips. i feel myself swelling, growing rounder and rounder. i'm soon to become the lifesize blueberry identical to Violet in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. i'm freaking out totally. my festive mood smoked and disappeared in the wind.oh yea. 2 more things i have just realized. i found out i gained 5 kilos more after i ended my "choc-cake" business and that there is a scrumptious Yuletide catered buffet on Christmas Eve. I'M A FUCKING INCORRIGIBLE BLIMP. SERIOUSLY, I CAN'T STAND MYSELF.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 7:17 am.
skeletons in my closet
Thursday, December 08, 2005
i've re-watched Jewel in the Palace for the second time running already. it took me nearly a week to watch it and now, it's Meteor Garden II that i'm currently watching. there isn't much choice actually. considering the number of serial dramas that i have at home, it is the second longest drama series with Jewel in the Palace taking the crown. this is to show how bored i am at home. it no longer takes any convincing to let everyone know i'm bored beyond belief. mumsie told me to do something constructive but exactly can i do now? no money to shop and nearly everyone is either overseas holidaying or taking up a job. besides, i can't take up a job either; until my schedule is stable. i'm sick of thinking of what to do that i prefer to take up quick-time-passing activities; watching dvds and vcds.daddy woke me up early this morning when tried to wake me up. he said that he was worried if i was going to behave like this when i'm in australia. no one messes with me when i'm in a foul mood. i'm still pissed that he hasn't kept to his part of the deal yet. i retorted back with WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO AFTER I WAKE UP? he said to eat breakfast and when i made him continue with my supposed itinery for the day, he was speechless. there is nothing to be done that can erase the fact that i have nothing to do. sad.my blubber piles up as i lay in the bed or the couch; doing nothing but eating and watching the dvds/vcds in comfort. idling my time away like a good-for-nothing. my books are re-read for the umpteenth time that i have ceased to read them unless i want to fill those small empty frames of unwanted time or if the memory of the books has dimmed. in fact, i can memorise the contents of the book already. lol. borrowing from the library is too troublesome because i don't visit the library regularly after the o levels passed. returning the books i've borrowed is the only catch in the entirely lucrative deal of borrowing books.somehow watching Jewel in the Palace for so long makes me miss Jewel in the Palace after watching it. it feels weird to watch something else now. it makes me feel as though Jewel in the Palace has become a part of my life that everything i do, i would relate it to the show. perhaps it is weirder to say that i hate watching the bad parts of the show but would rather watch the good. everytime i consider re-watching the dvds/vcds, i would consider the number of bad and good parts in the show. hence, it would be the fight between the good and the bad before i would consider re-watching it. moreover, it must also be unless the bad parts are tolerable to me. one might wonder what do i mean by the bad parts. my definition of bad parts are the parts where the protagonists have to suffer pain and agony whilst the antagonists truimph. that's the case that nowasdays, i find myself refusing to face up to the pain and misery that i refuse to watch those parts.shits. i feel like watching Jewel in the Palace. AGAIN. i'm on the first cd of the Meteor Garden II but i haven't reached the part when something bad would happen to the leading male character and here i am; blogging just to try escape from watching it. i want to stop feeling the hurt and pain. i want to feel nothing. still, just now when the female and male leading characters could not find one another in a foreign country and were hugging one another tightly after they have found one another, i was reminded of something. i am curious if i have watched it sometime this year. still, i can only but recall the only one time i watched this Meteor Garden II which was sometime when i was Sec 2. i refused to watch it since then because the part II was crap compared to the first. nevertheless, i felt the irony when i revisited the scene in my mind.marcus dropped his wallet in mumsie's car when she offered to drop him off at Bedok because we wanted to do grocery shopping too. by the touch of ill, his hp was confiscated by his mum then there wasn't any way of contacting him. through the goodwill of strangers, he contacted me on my hp and we were on a wild goose's chase finding one another in Bedok. it was really weird because we couldn't find one another even with the help of mumsie, josh and ally. it was only after a few hours later that i realized i was at the wrong place and we were worried about him going home late again. finally, i thought i could find him after reaching the other Bata shop only to find him gone. i asked the sales ladies and they told me he left. i was on the brink of tears before they told me the direction he had gone that i found him alas. without a word, i flew to his arms and was crying; wondering aloud what i would do without him. it was identical to the scenario in the show that i am wondering now if i was replaying the show in my life.i want to fall back in love but i am afraid to do so. i see people in love, i envy them but i feel happy for them too. i want to rid of my sense of emptiness and loneliness that i did use others' feelings to do so. it is rare that i really did fall for someone and when i fell hard, it did not work out the way i wanted either. that is why i am jaded now. jaded but still empty and lonely. i have thought many a times to turn to my old ways and opportunities to do so came too. but why is it that i still shun away? i am too tired and too afraid to make the attempt to know someone again and to make the attempt to like someone again. it is an effort-consuming proccess and i'm simply too lethargic to work up an effort to start all over again.perhaps a fling is all i need now. but when it happened, it went way beyond my expectations and i didn't expect myself to fall for someone i just wanted to play with. i'm stucked in a situation when all i can do is to do nothing. anyhow, i am proud of twinny. she has the courage. she is bold and upfront. she confronted the scummy guy for all the injustice he slashed onto her that the wounds are fresh and painful to her. for all the pain she has suffered, at least he knows of the pain. albeit the "reasons" he came up to defend himself with is lame, but he knows that such a thing is going on. for all my courage to do anything else, it does not apply when it comes to matters of the heart. my defenses are high and numerous. it is not easy to come close to my heart and when someone comes closer to me but hurt me in the process, my defenses would multiply and become more inpenetrable. hence my jaded-ness.still, i admire twinny. by lashing out all the injustice she has felt, the pain would be released and would lessen though she would still suffer from it. but it would do her good in the long run. never keep things in the heart. our heart has too many responsibilities without us adding onto its burden. us and only us would suffer in the long run if we were to continue like this and yet, we don't seem to stop. btw, girls watch out for guys above 18. girls our age tend to get hurt by them and it is a trend that i have realized.girls our age suffer the most because most of the time, we are merely their playthings. unless the guy is your long-term boyfriend or someone you have known even before he was above 18, then maybe it doesn't apply. guys above 18 tend to have the tendency to lead girls our age into thinking deeper into a relationship because of their intimate actions. it is their need to release all their pent-up male hormonal reactions that they tend to have their "needs". uncle psalm said to watch out for army guys because they are in camp which equals to no females that once they are out, they have their "needs". well, i would take it to be true 'cause he has been in the army for years and is now a high-ranking army officer. he has trained and seen too many army guys to know what they are like now. hmmm... it includes the fact that he is an army guy too and i know him. men. oh well. i should know too. i suffer and share a similar experience but it feels degrading. i feel filthy saying it and it is a skeleton in my closet now.
♥ occasionally sane but mostly weird 9:15 pm.
